Comment Wall

(Mountain Scenery by Marlon Martinez)



To see what I am currently working on in my portfolio, click here!
Please leave your comments as well! Thank you!

Comments

  1. Hi Avani!
    I though the last sentence was really funny. It was not only a great wrap up, but it also provided some well placed comedy! I also think the irony of Rose's name is great. I wonder why the dragon protects the rose's if he wants to break the curse. Maybe you can brainstorm some ideas and make that clearer in your story! It make make for a great addition. If it is because he is waiting for the right person, what makes Rose (really her mother) the right person? What has happened to other people who have picked the roses? There are so many awesome ways to expand this story! If you were to add to this story, but wished to keep the same length, I would suggest shortening the beginning. You could even make it start with Rose searching for flowers. There are tons of different ways to approach it. Overall, great job.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Avani!
    I really liked your story! I enjoyed that you named the youngest daughter Rose because I thought it tied in the reasoning behind why she wanted a flower instead of a bigger, grander present like her sisters. I also really liked how you made the eyes of the dragon so kind. I think this showed that something good was coming for that character, instead of making him the villain the whole time. Your rendition was very similar to the original, so maybe in some parts you could change a few more details to make it even more of your own story. I like what Camille said above about adding background stories for people who had picked roses before. Was the mom the first person who had ever stumbled upon the palace? Also, did anyone else live at the palace with the dragon? Overall, I really liked your story and I am excited to read your future stories throughout the semester!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hello Avani! Great job retelling this story, it was one of my favorites to read as well! It definitely reminded me of Beauty and the Beast, which is one of my favorite Disney movies. I think what makes your story a great retelling is the small details that you adjusted to make it your own. For example, making it more modern for readers to understand, changing the youngest sibling's name to what ultimately decides her fate (great choice), and making the creature who takes the girl as payment a dragon rather than a basilisk all came together to make it a modern, fun-to-read retelling! I do wonder, though, how the story would be different if the youngest sibling was made less passive and willing to stand up for herself to see how the dragon would still fight for her as payment for the roses? Would he be willing to mess with the family until she agreed or would he eventually give up and let the girl go on with her life? It would be super interesting to read! I agree that shortening the story made it easier to read and helped make it flow together better. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Avani, this story is super cool! I like how you retold the story of the basilisk and made it into a dragon that changed form each time its head got cut off. I did not read the story of the basilisk so all of these details are new to me. Another thing that I really liked is how you made a rose the banner image and its beautiful flowers are contrasted with a snake and a dragon. Those are two very spooky creatures. Also, the irony of the name "Rose" and the fact that the mom had to get some roses from the garden were also really smart. Some questions that I had were why such a broad plethora of roses were out in the first place? Was the dragon plotting to capture some people who just happened to stop by and force them a payment? Sounds like thievery to me. Perhaps you could add a little bit of detail about how the dragon came there and how he even became the dragon in the first place? Maybe it was some kind of curse that was put on him for being such a meany idk. Great story!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi Avani!

    I loved your Beauty and the Dragon story! I like how it was a cross between the Beauty and the Beast story and The Liver story. I don't know if you've read that one, but it's also about how a mom sends her daughter to the store and she ends up having to give favors back to multiple people. I also thought that the design of your website was really easy to follow, and I loved your rose photo! I think it would be a cool idea if you built on your story and rewrote your next story book with the same characters (Rose and the young man) because your story does such a good job at leaving the reading wanting more and wondering what's going to happen next. Why did this young man have a curse? What ended up happening? I'm excited to read your future stories!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hey there Avani! The first thing I wanted to say is that I really liked your story! I think you chose a great story to tell so that goes a long way in making it a fun read. I really liked how the daughter Rose wanted a rose, but her mother forgot the rose but she got lost and ended up in a rose garden. I thought that was really fun. I also really like how you wrote the dragon. I think you did a job at making a villain that is so menacing. I also think I love a good dragon story. I did not expect a snake to come out of the dragon's head when Rose cut his head off. I thought it was great how it was kind of like a Beauty and the Beast tale (great movie. not so great live action movie. Thanks for the great read.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Avani, I remember reading a story similar to this. I cannot remember if it was yours or the original story. I really liked the detail that you provided your story "Beauty and the Dragon." My favorite stories to read are ones that I can visualize and imagine that I am there in the story and you did a great job with that. I also really like this story because it is almost like a version of Beauty and the Beast (the beast being the dragon haha). Beauty and the Beast retellings are always great and romantic, but I have always wondered what would happen if a prince did not emerge from the beast figure and it was actually a villain forever? Hmm...
    Also, what if the motives of the prince were just to return to his form and instead of actually falling in love, he faked it to get out of his beastly form.
    I hope to read the rest of your stories, great work!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi Avani,

    I read your story of the Beauty and the Dragon and I really enjoyed it! I think you did a great job with providing a lot of detail in describing the characters. It was easy to get an idea of the mother's state with her being tired at the beginning, her journey to the market taking all day in the scorching heat, and having to stop to catch her breath and drink some water. I was surprised that the daughter was so willing to go to the dragon even though he threatened to torture their family. Was she not worried about her own safety? And what about her other daughters? Why didn't she ask one of them to go to the dragon instead of the obedient one? I think it would be great to add even more dialogue. I wonder what the dragon and Rose said to each other when he asked her to cut his head off. Looking forward to the next story!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi Avani!
    I also worked on a portfolio project, so it is refreshing to read something compatible to what I've been working on all semester-- rather than a storybook. I loved how you added a summary of each story on the home page of your website. Reading these short summaries was a great way to get an idea of what really appealed to me. And from the summaries, I chose to read The Fate of Dhyan because the idea of parent children relationships related to myself.
    When reading, I was heartbroken how Dhyan didn't realize the great importance and roles of the people right in front of him. Instead of seeing graduating college as a great journey with his whole family went on, Dhyan saw graduation as freedom from all other authority or obligations.
    When reading the story, I was having trouble seeing how it retold the original story. But, in fact it retold the wonderful of the original story in a way that many people can relate to in a modern day society.
    Great job, and I can't wait to read your other stories!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hello,
    I like the set up of your storybook! Your introduction was quite informative. It helped me understand what stories were coming up. The first story from the start I was familiar with because I read the original literature. I like what you did with it! I liked the change to a dragon. When I read the original, I always felt weird that it was a basilisk instead of something more majestic like a dragon. I liked the simple retelling with minor changes I think it worked out nicely. As for the second story it felt like the prodigal son a bit. A very arrogant person taking many things for granted. Then they go on to mess up their life to return to their parents to be taken in. In your story he was rejected. I liked the moral of your story and found it to be well written! I enjoyed the changes you made to this story as well.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Week 6 Lab: Advice to Writers

Tech Tip: Canvas Mobile App